Anatomy

So the other day, while in the car on the way to Tae Kwon Do, out of the blue, boy 2 says, " I bet it would hurt if you broke your tee-tee. I bet you would have to go to the hospital. Do you think you would die if you broke your tee-tee?"

"Well...I don't know if you can actually break it. It's not like a bone like in your arm. You could hurt it really bad and yes you might have to go to the hospital. But, no, I don't think you would die."

"What if you broke your wee-wee's?"

I slowly turn down the radio because now I am the one who is confused...... "Your what?"

"You know your little hangy down ball things.."

Trying really hard not to laugh, " Sweetie, those are called testicles and your tee-tee is your penis."

"No way! Tell the truth. What are they really called?"

"That is the truth."

"If you don't have bones in your tes-ti-colors then what is inside them?"

Now is when my brain starts working in over drive....how on earth do I explain reproductive anatomy to a five year old? And how do I do so on the fly and in an age appropriate manner?

NONE of the 'What to expect when...' books  that I read prepared me for these kinds of things. Granted, I may have just not read the right books, or all of any book on raising children , but there should have been a pamphlet or warning label or something!

I know! I can pawn it off on The Brain. He's a guy, he should be having this discussion not me. He is way more equipped to handle this stuff because let's face it, he does have the equipment.

Besides, I know that there is no way in Hell he would be having this discussion if we had girls!

"That's a good question. You should ask Dad when we get home."

"Why don't you know what's inside your testicolors mom?"

Danger, Will Robinson!

If there is one thing I should know by now it is when to shut up. Unfortunately, as much as my parents tried to teach me, it is a quality that remains as elusive to me as dark matter. Therefore, I said this, " I don't have testicles, I'm a girl. That's one of the the differences between boys and girls. Boys have a penis and testicles and girls don't."

Crap! CrapCrapCrap!

After a few moments, boy2 says, "OK, I have one more question..."

CRAAAAAP!!!

"Yes?"

"How do they make swords?"