Date Night

The boys have gone to spend a few days with their most AWESOMEST , yep it's a word - I just said it, aunt and uncle.

Really, those two just might be the most incredibly wonderful people on the planet! (Hi guys!!)

Date Night doesn't happen that often around here. But when it does The Brain and I tend to revert into our younger selves.

Sometimes we do silly stuff, you know, the kinds of things that responsible parents don't do, like sword fight with toilet plungers in the middle of Blood Bath (read as Bed Bath and Beyond - don't ask why we call it that because I haven't the foggiest)

Sometimes we go to the zoo, and the arcade, and Chucky Cheese, and the circus...just kidding, that's just what we tell the kids we did while they were away.

Sometimes we sit around for hours trying to figure out what exactly it is that we are supposed to do. What do other grown up people do when they don't have the kids???

And sometimes... it all falls into place, like tonight.

The house is quiet, except for a little jazz/blues combo playing on the PC downstairs, The Brain is in the shower, and we are going out! To eat that is.

WOO!HOO!

An uninterrupted grown up meal. Followed by a nice bottle of wine back home.

It's Date Night Baby!!

Anatomy

So the other day, while in the car on the way to Tae Kwon Do, out of the blue, boy 2 says, " I bet it would hurt if you broke your tee-tee. I bet you would have to go to the hospital. Do you think you would die if you broke your tee-tee?"

"Well...I don't know if you can actually break it. It's not like a bone like in your arm. You could hurt it really bad and yes you might have to go to the hospital. But, no, I don't think you would die."

"What if you broke your wee-wee's?"

I slowly turn down the radio because now I am the one who is confused...... "Your what?"

"You know your little hangy down ball things.."

Trying really hard not to laugh, " Sweetie, those are called testicles and your tee-tee is your penis."

"No way! Tell the truth. What are they really called?"

"That is the truth."

"If you don't have bones in your tes-ti-colors then what is inside them?"

Now is when my brain starts working in over drive....how on earth do I explain reproductive anatomy to a five year old? And how do I do so on the fly and in an age appropriate manner?

NONE of the 'What to expect when...' books  that I read prepared me for these kinds of things. Granted, I may have just not read the right books, or all of any book on raising children , but there should have been a pamphlet or warning label or something!

I know! I can pawn it off on The Brain. He's a guy, he should be having this discussion not me. He is way more equipped to handle this stuff because let's face it, he does have the equipment.

Besides, I know that there is no way in Hell he would be having this discussion if we had girls!

"That's a good question. You should ask Dad when we get home."

"Why don't you know what's inside your testicolors mom?"

Danger, Will Robinson!

If there is one thing I should know by now it is when to shut up. Unfortunately, as much as my parents tried to teach me, it is a quality that remains as elusive to me as dark matter. Therefore, I said this, " I don't have testicles, I'm a girl. That's one of the the differences between boys and girls. Boys have a penis and testicles and girls don't."

Crap! CrapCrapCrap!

After a few moments, boy2 says, "OK, I have one more question..."

CRAAAAAP!!!

"Yes?"

"How do they make swords?"

Boys are gross

Yesterday, boy 1 and boy 2 were in the kitchen having lunch. I stepped out of the room, but remained within ear shot.

This is what I heard...

"Buttcrack!" laughter

blah blah blah...

"Buttcrack!"  more laughter

Then,

"Hey! Do you remember that time that you pooted in my room and it smelled so bad we had to leave?"

Laughter

"Yeah! That was funny!!!"

"Yeah, that was so awesome..."

Seriously???? BOYS ARE GROSS!!!