My favorite place on Earth

Where I was this week and why I haven't blogged.

That's what I mean

I am a bad parent. The other day I slipped up and called Boy1 a smart ass. Not in a mean hateful way, but in an 'Ok, you got me there' kind of way.

His response: "Thank you mother. My behind appreciates the compliment."

I have no desire to see you standing in your back yard in your underwear

Three years ago we bought our house. We did not buy it because it was our dream home. We bought this house because it was the only house of about 100 that met every criteria we set down. And for that reason alone we loved it!

New house must haves:

1) Must be near the interstate because of The Brain's commute to work
2) Three bedrooms plus another area to be used as a play room
3) Separate dinning room
4) 2 car garage
5) Fenced in back yard/ decent sized back yard for the boys and dog to run and play
6) Fireplace
7) Trees
8) Not ranch style
9) Good school system
10) BONUS - Culdesac so the boys can ride bikes.

Fast forward 3 years:

1)Brain now works from home
2)Play room is now an office
3)Dinning room table is broken all to hell and back.
4) Garage is too small for cars
5) Yard has been taken over by mosquitoes so the boys won't go back there and the dog has a bum knee and can't run
6)Fire places are overrated
7) Neighbors are cutting down all of the trees - as I type!
8) I fall a lot...
9) Wish I could afford private school
10) Kids refuse to learn to ride bikes

The one that pisses me off the most? #7

The good 'ole days

While thinking about the previous post, I thought about when I was a kid. Sure, there were bugs outside, but not like this. We weren't afraid to go outside and play. Hell, we stayed outside roaming the neighborhood till the street lights came on. Actually, thats how you knew you were late. Somehow our parents expected us to sense when the street lights were going to come on and be home before then. But if you got back too soon you were told to go back out and play. Our parents expected us to be telepathic super kids, and we were. So what changed? Why do I buy 5 million dollars worth of yard spray to kill bugs every year and still have damn mosquitoes?

And then it hit me...The BUG Truck! You know the one I'm talking about. It drove up and down the street every night spewing some kind of noxious cancer causing Strychnine/DDT poison gas into every fort and tree house in a five mile radius. The fog was so thick you couldn't even see the fence you were about to jump over.

But, there were no bugs...

I miss the bug truck.

Evil blood suckers

My yard is slowly being taken over by mosquitoes. Two years ago it was awful. You couldn't even walk onto the back deck without fearing you might loose a limb. I honestly think that the CDC should come to determine whether or not the West Nile virus originated in my back yard.

This year it's already started.

This afternoon Boy 1 ran inside and slammed the door shouting, "They're after me mom! The mosquitoes are after me! I think they want to turn me into one of them!"

The battle between man and tiny vampire has begun!

Wow

When I started this blog I never thought anyone would read it! But, today I passed the 20 visitor mark! I know that isn't exactly a lot of readers in the blog world, however, I want each and every one of you to know how awesome you are to me! I now have readers spanning the country from California to New York! How cool is that!?!?

I want you all to know too that you should feel free to comment on anything you see here. I want to hear your stories! Most of my posts are about my boys and the craziness that is life. Thank you for being a part of my world, I hope you share yours with me!

Skip it

Yesterday, The Brain took off work and we went to boy 2's kindergarten graduation. It was suppossed to start at 11:00, we got there at 10:55 to find out that we missed half of it, not because we were late but because they started 20 min early....What? Who does that?!? I was more than a little sad. Not just because we missed most of the performance, but because my baby is not a baby anymore.

So, instead of coming home, doing chores, going to Tae Kwon Do, eating a nutritious dinner, running around like crazy people trying to accomplish everything under the sun before 8 pm, we skipped it. We skipped ALL of it!

First we came home and ate snacks. Then we all curled up in my bed and told ghost stories and pretended to fall asleep and see who could snore the loudest. Next it was off to Red Box and McDonalds. Armed with movies and Happy Meals, we piled up in the living room for the rest of the day/night.

It was wonderful!

I'm addicted and so are you

I know this is nothing new. I know it and you know it. We have all become addicted to our cell phones. But seriously! When did this happen?

If I can't find my phone I start to hyperventilate. Panic sets in. I have been known to storm through the house ripping cushions and pillows of of any and everything that had cushions and pillows in search of that tiny little device, certain that someone has done something evil to it! I couldn't have misplaced it! No sir! That thing is my life blood!

And it's not like I even know that many people. Way back when, I had the hardest time trying to decide who to program into my Fave 5's. Because let's face it, I probably call the pediatrician and the gynecologist more than I do my sister, and it's pretty handy to have those numbers readily available in dire situations. But, what picture would I use to indicate the gyno on my home screen? The flower? The martini glass? The tramp stamp tattoo? No, none of these would work.

I have even been late to appointments because I turned around to go back to get my phone. I mean, one of the 3 people that I know might have something they need to tell me right away. Or what if suddenly we are invaded by an alien race? How will I know to evacuate? What if my house catches on fire and one of my neighbors calls to tell me? (Granted none of my neighbors have my cell #, but the point is still valid!) What if The Brain calls to ask me to pick up milk or coffee or toilet paper while I am out. I wont get the message and I'll have to make another trip!

Want to know how to bring a nation to it's knees? Disrupt cell service! Life as we know it will stop. People everywhere will be walking around, holding their phones in the air, randomly pushing buttons in a futile attempt to find service. Those who have lost all hope of achieving even one bar will go insane. Grown men will be curled up in the fetal position,drooling, mumbling incoherently, while babies are left crying unattended. Fights will ensue in parking lots and on playgrounds between disgruntled house wives. Children will ban together in a Lord of the Flies manner because their parents will have gone mad.

Today's To-Do List: Give neighbors my cell #

Logic

Tae Kwon Do Tiger Cub Promise:

"I promise to use Tae Kwon Do in class and to escape from strangers. I will not use Tae Kwon Do to cause trouble."

Scene: I am in the kitchen calmly making dinner. The house is quiet.All is well. Suddenly, a loud "kiai" and a crashing sound from upstairs startles me causing pasta sauce to go all over the floor.

Calm time is officially over,"What is going on up there? You can't use Tae Kwon Do to cause trouble!!! And that sounds like trouble to me!!!"

Instant quiet....."NAH-UH!! We weren't using Tae Kwon Do! We were just hitting each other!"

So I sigh, secretly smile at the witty comeback, and hope nothing is broken.

I have to brag for a minute

I am so proud!

My oldest son's teacher called to give me his CRCT test scores...the kid almost got perfect scores on every portion! And to top it off, he got his second stripe in TaeKwonDo yesterday!

And to toot my own horn a bit: I got my final grades for this semester - All A's! Go me - Keepin' the 4.0! lol

Too many choices

It had been a while since I bought new pillows. And I admit, the last time I bought new pillows I wasn't exactly picky so I bought what was cheap. Well, our pillows SUCKED. Sorry, but there is just no better way to put it. In the spots that weren't lumpy the damn things were so flat that I think there was some type of vacuum/worm hole that sucked your head into the earths inner core, forcing your neck into a position that would render even the most limber of contortionist incapacitated.


So, yesterday I embarked on a pillow buying adventure, unaware of the intricacies of pillow buying. The varying degrees of firmness, filling,thread count, blah blah blah. This one is perfect for back sleepers, that one is perfect for side sleepers, this one conforms for maximum comfort, the one over there is down filled, and the one to your left has a quilted top. Firm. Standard. Extra Firm. Medium. AHHHHH

This is no decision to be made lightly.

First, the buyer is forced to analyze their sleeping position. Hmmm, I usually fall asleep in a side/stomach combo. Is there a pillow for that? NO. What about the 'toss and turn pillow'? NO

Is the pillow comfy? The only way to tell is to lay the pillow on the floor in the middle of the store and plop yourself down and pretend to sleep. However, the floor is hard. It smells bad. There is gum on the floor and a dead bug. There are people staring at you acting like an idiot laying on the floor in the middle of the store wondering if now is the appropriate time to call security. Your bed has none of these things. The floor is not the bed.

After 30 min. it was time to call for back up. I called The Brain, thinking he could help. Wrong. I got more questions, including the the all important cost factor, which I had not even considered at this point. Only to be told, "Whatever you think, but I think I like firm." No help there.

Since I'm kind of a middle of the road sort of gal, I gave up and grabbed 2firm for The Brain and 2 medium for me.

Finally, done. I have my new pillows. I can sleep peacefully and dream sweet dreams without wondering if I was attacked in the middle of the night by some intruder whose only purpose in life was to cause me neck pain.

I had to return 2 pillows..........

The kid's got skills

Happy Mothers Day to all the wonderful moms out there!

I must say that having boys is awesome on days like today. At least having my boys is!

So far I have been called; "As pretty as an Alabama sunrise, over the lake, when the geese are flying", and "As pretty as a blooming flower".

If you have elementary age children you know that the week before Mothers Day the kids make presents and cards and things. And, you never know what your going to get.

My oldest son had one of those fill in the blank template cards that his class did.
Apparently, his mom is best at washing clothes. Is great because she feeds me. And is smart because she knows what 79x70 is.

I love being a mom!

To the lady at the department store last night:

Dear Mortified Lady,

Please accept our deepest apologies. I know that seeing my two young sons fondle the breasts on the mannequin in the swimsuit department was a shock to you. I also want to let you know that we had a talk with the youngest one about how it was impolite to remove the bra from the mannequin in the lingerie department. (the kid's got great eye hand coordination!)That was unacceptable and he now knows that.

Thank you.

But I let you...

Letting someone do something is not always an act of kindness.

For example:



OR


There are some things I simply don't want you to let me do!

Zombies in Church

I am not a very religious person, but I respect and appreciate all cultures and religions. That said, last night one of our friend's daughters was in a play at her church. So, I loaded up the guys and we went to watch. It was so cute! All of the children did an excellent job. And my boys were very well behaved throughout the whole thing, until the end. After the play we were waiting out in the ?lobby? (I think there is some official name for the area of the church that we were in, but the name escapes me) when my guys decide it is the perfect time to act like zombies. Yep, arms out, stumbling around like Frankenstein's monster, yelling at the other children to "Come back so I can eat your brains!" and telling anyone in earshot that they can only be killed if someone "chops my head off and blood gets all over the carpet." I guess I should have been embarrassed, and I was a little. But no one else seemed to care.

Luckily no one else was privy to our earlier conversation:

Oldest son:"So how does that whole Jesus thing work?"
Me: "What do you mean?"
Oldest son: "Well, if Jesus died and then came back to life, THAT MAKES HIM A ZOMBIE, mom!"
Youngest son: "If church is God's house, does he get to make people make him pancakes whenever he wants? That's what I would do if I had that many houses. I would eat pancakes all the time. I wish I was God."


Good times I tell ya'...Good times...

What's with the name?

So here it is, my first blog. Why is it called The Hamper? Well, this weekend I had two tasks that I wanted to make sure got started: 1) Start a blog. 2) Start the laundry. And there you have it, another attempt at being the awesome multitasker that I am.

I don't know if anyone will ever read this(besides the trusty and faithful few). But as this is my first post I feel that a few ground rules should be laid down.

1. I have 2 kids and I am not an English major. That should be "enough said" but in case you don't understand the implications it means that spelling and grammar are not very high on my priority list.
2. I reserve the right to change my mind at any given moment and do so quite often.
3. Sometimes I have a potty mouth, sorry I'm working on it.
4. This list is to be considered a living document.
5. I can't promise a blog a day or even a blog a week, because after all there's still more laundry that needs to be done.

welcome to my world, feel free to comment all you like.